Filling the Hole in My Heart

After much prayer a friend and I have decided to embark on a 90 day journey to discovering what all God has in store for us.  I know in the weeks to come God is going to reveal himself in ways I can't even imagine right now so I thought it was definitely something that should be shared.  So the details first...

In taking a good look at my life I've noticed that I haven't been truly single since I was 15, even if I haven't been actually dating someone there is always some guy I spend time texting or meeting for dinner.  Guys have become a security blanket in my life.  In each relationship I have depended on a guy for happiness resulting in the guy feeling that he can never measure up or make me happy and leaving me feeling empty and unfullfilled.  I have been expecting from a guy what only God can give me in my life.  No man can ever complete me.  Thus the formation of the...
 

Dating Detox

For 90 days there is no texting, talking or spending time with anyone of the opposite sex who is a potential date. We are limiting social media because it can be a distraction so that means, no T.V., no movies, no secular music, only sharing but no checking Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest... yea that last one almost killed me! No Pinteresting or Christmas movies!!....  We have committed to daily devotions and check ins with each other to keep us encouraged, with a signed covenant in hand it's time to take the first step.  

So I'm sure your first question is why...

To begin Love is like a drug.  We get so wrapped up in the "in love" feeling that we have forgotten what true love really is.  We have decided to eliminate the things in our lives that remind us of that fairy tale love story, butterflies in your stomach feeling that might last for a while but eventually flutters away.  One of the first steps in any detox program is to start to remove the junk in your life… Over the next 90 days we will not only remove that junk but begin to fill our lives with things that will strengthen our relationship with Christ and help with a firm foundation.  Through these days we will begin to let go of feelings and emotions that often hold us captive.  With God we commit to get rid of the junk in our lives and begin to learn the love God first gave to us and then how to love another. 

I have often been a little bitter about that empty hole in my heart that seems to never be filled but by understanding there is a man in my life who wants my very best so He can give me His very best I am beginning to feel that hole be filled....

 

Footprints

A few short weeks ago I attended my last day of Cosmetology School.  I was so excited to finish up after a year and half but as I started to leave that last day I was scared.  I had this terrified feeling of what would come next.  People had been asking for weeks what my plans were and I calming explained I wasn't really sure what God was leading me to, but that day it kinda hit me....I had no idea what I would do next.  School has become a comfort zone for me so my initial reaction was I'll just enroll in another program.  But I realized I didn't want to take on more classes to continue to grow, I wanted that time to figure out what is suppose to come next.  With school I know I have a few semesters to figure things out....

.......How selfish I have been....

I have prayed for weeks and months, even years for God to show me the plan he has for my life and the first step of faith I was asked to step out on I started to run and hide.  I wanted more time so I could figure out what I thought should happen next and I could make that plan.

In looking to what will come next I have realized what my plan is.  I have no idea the plans God has for me I often try to plan them out and try to understand the different "dots" in my life that God has brought me through and how one day he will connect those dots.  I plan out what my husband will look like and what his profession will be and how many children we will have and what my life will be like... like I'm sure many people do.... 

But, my plan is for the footprints that I leave behind and how deep they will be.  I don't want to leave an impression that will only be washed away by the first wave that comes crashing in.  I want my steps to leave a deeper mark, a huge impact on the lives that God allows me to touch.  For that to happen I have to stop planning, we all know that when we make a plan God is really sitting above us saying... "that's cute that you think that's how this is going to play out but....not so much! I have something else for you."  I have come to realize that those moments when God completely changes my plans he always completely changes my life and allows me to leave those deep footprints behind.  

It's okay not to know what is coming next but we have to trust that no matter what happens whether it fits into the plans we have or not that God is holding onto us.  He never gives us more than we can handle and there is always a purpose; he is allowing us the opportunity to leave those footprints.  You never know who is watching those footprint that you are making or who might be following behind you trying to walk in those same footprints that you are making.  You are making a difference and an impact one step at the time.... how deep are your footprints?

Rain Drops

One of my favorite things to do is watch the rain come.  Sitting outside and watching as it gets closer and closer until finally I can hear the music of tiny drops playing on the roof.  On this rainy day as I watch the rain drops fall I'm reminded of a story one of our pastors told Sunday in his message.  He explained that when he was younger his mom would instruct him on things he shouldn't do and how that was for his protection, but because he disobeyed he suffered the consequences that came with those choices. 

How often in our own lives do we sit and look at the decision in front of us knowing in our hearts exactly what we need to do and instead do the opposite.  Knowing it is not the right choice but reasoning with ourselves that it will be okay and it's really not that big of a deal.... It's like knowing the storm is coming and instead of walking inside and watching the rain in the protection of our homes we stand outside and allow the water to cover us.  Playing in the rain seemed like a great idea until we stand completely soaked in our own selfish nature and in that moment we look up at the sky and wonder what we were thinking.

In Ephesians the Bible says...

¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. ¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

God has provided the needed protection for us... He never sends the rain without providing an umbrella and rain boots. So trust him, follow him and know that in every situation whether we are faced with a decision or temptation that God has already provided a way out and the protection we need from the storm. 
 

Proverbs 3:5-6

Have you ever climbed out of bed and just wanted to crawl back in?  This morning that was my feeling, but not because I was still sleepy or wasn't looking forward to beginning my day.  I just felt so empty and broken.  And like every day I grabbed my bible to begin my quiet time because I knew more than ever I needed some Jesus time. 

I didn't even know where to begin, I just sat with my bible closed in hand and began to pray... "God just show me what you have for me, I just need to hear from you."

As I started to skim through I found my favorite bible verse marked....

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths straight."

One of my all time favorite bible verses; a verse I keep on my mind and locked in my heart.

Every word of these verses rings truth.  I can't tell you how many times I have just looked up at the sky and whispered I don't understand....

It's actually from this verse that I came up with the name of my blog "My Dots."  About a month ago I had the opportunity to speak at a church in South Carolina and honestly I had no idea what to say.  I was asked to give my testimony and how God had used me.  I have always been someone who felt like I didn't really have a testimony because every testimony I had ever heard was about how God had changed someone.  How that person had been addicted to drugs or had been an alcoholic or had been abused....none of those things have ever happened to me.  So I really wasn't sure what I could say for people to get something out of the time we spent together and how I could relate to people.  But, that's why it's a God thing...

It didn't take long for me to write 6 pages of notes for all I wanted to share.  I shared the "Dots" in my life.  I have had some amazing blessings in my life and in each of those moments God has molded me into the person I am today.  From pageant days to family vacations every moment has played a part.  But it's easy to look onto the fun and happy times.  What if we look into the times that we got off the path God had planned for us or when really bad things happened in our lives. You see it's really easy to Trust in the Lord when everything is going good but what about when a family member passes away or when we look back on all the past and realize we didn't always make the right choices. 

All those moments in our lives are our dots...and to us they look like a random mess but did you know that God can take a mess and make it into a message.  If we will, in all our ways acknowledge him, not only will he direct our path but he will use the trials he has brought us through to help someone else.  Not only did losing my grandfather this passed January change how I spend time with my family and make me appreciate my time with them so much more, but it allowed me to understand the hurt when a friend loses someone they love.  Now I can offer words of encouragement from personal experience because I know that pain in their heart.

So do you always try to connect your own dots? I do...I always am trying to figure out God's plan and how A and B are going to match up and get me to C but what if in my story C comes before B..... If we will focus on God and what he is doing in our lives right now instead of focusing on figuring it all out he will lead us to that next step and the journey will be more amazing than we could have ever imagined.

Taking A New Look

After much prayer and thought and a little inspiration from a close friend I am starting a blog...a place where I can share what God is doing in my life and has placed on my heart in hopes of inspiring and being a light of Jesus to those around me.  So I wanted to share what was placed on my heart for the day and give a glimpse of what things look like from my eyes...

I try to surround myself with a Godly atmosphere.  That includes the people I spend my time with, the things I put into my mind and the things I put into my body.  This morning when I got up and began to read my news feed from facebook I saw a status that read....

"I love the way the ocean kisses the shore and keeps coming back no matter how many times it's sent away."

How gorgeous to read in words and imagine in my mind from previous trips to the beach the beauty of God's creation.  I immediately thought of my relationship with God and all the times that I'm "riding in the car of life."  In this car God is the driver and I of course am the obnoxious backseat driver that tries to give directions to someone who already knows exactly where he's going.  In those poetic words my heart began to cringe thinking of all the times I had sent God away in my own life. But, the beautiful part is that the ocean comes back just like God does in my life.  I have sent him away again and again in an act to try and do things on my own but God doesn't get very far away and it doesn't take me long to realize how I can't do things on my own.  In that moment I watch as things completely fall apart.  And just like how the ocean returns to the shore in such a short time, before I know it God is wrapping his arms around me and I feel crazy for ever thinking I could do it on my own. 

I'm so thankful for a God who never lets go....just like the song says "through the calm and through the storm."  I'm so thankful that God never gets upset or annoyed with me, he never tries to stop the car and make me get out or worse, get out of the car himself and abandon me.  It's a love that we can't even comprehend but it's so incredible.  I want to share a goal...each day I try to discover at least one way I can see God in my life.  Some times it's something as simple as looking around me at the beautiful mountains or a colorful flower.  In making this goal I have slowed down and have realized the magnitude of who God is and the beauty of his creations.

Don't forget to truly open your eyes and see the beauty of the little things.  Something as simple as the waves meeting the sand....God has a message to share with each of us, if we will only open our eyes and open our hearts to listen, learn and grow.